Then there’s the judgment of others who, sometimes openly, say surely she must have suspected – how naive can a person be? Occasionally she is blamed for being the person holding the man back from who he truly is or wants to be. She has had to face her marriage breakdown and potential infidelity and wrestle with feelings that her relationship was a sham. Often entirely missing from this narrative is the woman’s voice. They express gratitude we live in more enlightened times. They marvel at how he came through it and celebrate that he can finally be himself. When a married man comes out later in life, positive reactions can be heartening. As countries such as Australia and Britain progress towards LGBTQI equality, it’s a social phenomenon that could vaporise within a generation. Megan is one of a potentially dying breed of women: those who married closeted gay men. As her dad pulled up she opened her purse, fat with notes, and pushed them all into the bewildered man’s hands before being whisked home. She softened it was the first tender moment she’d experienced in a period of terrifying isolation. Megan Holgate and Steven on their wedding day.
